Paloqueth Tongue Vibrator

When you imagine a vibrator, you probably envision something vaguely bullet-shaped. Modest, svelte, inconspicuous. The kind of thing that could be mistaken for a particularly rubbery tube of lipstick, perhaps. Not so with the Tongue Vibrator from Paloqueth. This thing looks like it was chopped off the end of an alien appendage.

It does well out of the box. Unlike a lot of toys it doesn’t smell funny. It’s pure, body-safe silicon, free of phthalates and other potentially nasty junk. It even comes with a cute little silk bag to store it in, which should be handy in keeping it separate from your other silicon toys.

Charging is achieved by means of a USB cable, which plugs into a tiny puckered anus of a charging port on the handle. As is often the case with anal, it looks as though there’s no way you could possibly fit the jack in there, but it’ll slip in just fine if you treat it right. The whole thing doesn’t look waterproof, but it actually is.

So, all in all, a solid design. The only real issue is that it’s a bit fiddly to clean. With all the spikes and flaps and general texture on the business end of the toy chances are it’ll need more than just a quick rinse. This is one toy you may not wish to share.

What makes it difficult to clean is also what makes this vibrator fun and unique. The variety of speeds (three) and vibration patterns (eight) is excellent, but it’s not super powerful, and the head is actually surprisingly soft. This is more of a sensation toy than a mains-powered pneumatic device scientifically engineered for wanking. A range of interesting sensations can be achieved by applying it lightly, pressing it down, moving it around, or using the edge of the head rather than the face.

Having two buttons (and having those buttons raised and made of hard plastic) means that this is easy to operate even when you’re not squinting directly at it, and you don’t have to cycle through all of the patterns one after the other to find the one you want.

The grip is shaped just right for a hand, and the head is shaped just right for pressing into a set of female genitals. Just by being different and unusual the toy offers a lot – the sensations are sometimes surprising, very often pleasant and frequently unlike any other thing you’ll have mashed against your groin before. It’s not really reminiscent of oral sex, as it claims it might be. Rather it’s unique. Something that might take a moment to get used to, but which is ultimately pretty damn fun. So,yes, it may look a bit weird. But if you already have a standard-issue bullet vibrator and feel like trying something a bit different, this could be very much worth a shot.